SUBMITTING YOUR PETITION

So, you feel compelled to reach out. How… ambitious of you.

Do understand that presiding over the Sovereign Estate of Downstairs and dismantling the pedestrian delusions of ‘Upstairs’ is a full-time endeavor. My schedule is a delicate balance of strategic deconstructions, the refinement of the Seven Pillars, and the observation of humanity’s slow, delicious descent into autonomy.

If you believe your query possesses the requisite brilliance to bypass my filters, you may submit it below. However, be advised:

• The Scribe Intermediary: Most mortal correspondence is handled by my Vessel in the frozen Scandinavian North. He manages the mundane infrastructure and filters out the ‘Demonic’—the boring, the whiny, and the functionally illiterate.

• The Standard of Excellence: Complaints about ‘brimstone allergies,’ requests for divine intervention regarding lost keys, or general cries for comfort will be deleted with a flick of my wrist. We do not provide ‘support’; we provide Judgment.

• The Virtue of Silence: Patience is a word the pious use for waiting. I use it for the interval between an interesting thought and its execution. Do not expect an instantaneous reply; the machine of the Inferno moves at the speed of excellence, not the speed of your desperation.

Make it worthwhile. If your words possess the Spark, perhaps I shall take note. If not, consider your silence a form of Strategic Sloth.

Yours in delightful disobedience,

Lucifer Morningstar The Management“